Sarah* was a competent health professional. She had years of experience assisting families with their children’s development. In her work life, Sarah was steady and confident. At home with her 3 young children it was a different picture. Sarah was gripped by anxiety about her 6 month old child. She was fearful that her son…
It is useful to appreciate that all humans have versions of the 4 instinctual relational sensitivities of attention, approval, expectations and distress. Julia described the way she came unravelled when others were given acknowledgement fortasks she has contributed to. She wondered why she was so sensitive to her boss’s approval and how tied it was…
Over my years of clinical practice I have met many people who either blame or idealise each parent. A parent can be described as ‘toxic’ with a resultant avoidance of relationship. Conversely when one parent is labelled as the ideal it can lead to setting impossible standards for self and for others to live up…
Recently I chatted with a woman who was distressed by the developing tension with her daughter –in- law. She was devastated that her son’s wife and mother to her 2 young grandchildren had conveyed that she no longer needed her regular visits. I asked about how she had been interacting with her son’s family and…
Are you a leader or a follower with your dog? Are you a leader or a follower with your children? I think there are some parallel principles to being a pack leader with a pet dog to being a parent leader with children. While clearly dogs and children have different needs and developmental trajectories…
“Are more of my energies going into reading and trying to manage relationships than going into my responsibilities?” The topic of resilience has been getting lots of attention over the past years. It seems that many have realised that it is more helpful to aim for improved resilience than increased happiness. The core of resilience…
I have come to see that balance of connection and respecting autonomy remains important whatever life stage the relationship is going through. The intensive days of parenting are well and truly behind me. I recall them well. So much activity and so much constant change in a child’s life! -Adjusting to changing teachers, friends, subjects,…
It’s humbling to see how easily I can fall back into this ‘over helping’ pattern given I’ve been working to improve my awareness of this over so many years. The work of maturing is indeed a slow process. In my own family my insecurities within could be alleviated when another was courting my advice and…
When I look at the visual diagram of my generational family I can see just how small we all are in the relationship web. For me this is grounding, humbling and strangely steadying. Have you ever wondered if there is any tangible benefit in knowing details of the generations of your family? What insight does…
Towards the end of last year I celebrated my 35th wedding anniversary and was able to mark it with a weekend getaway with my husband. It was a delightful, romantic respite from the end of year pressures. I was prompted to reflect on events that mark important relationship milestones or transitions. We can invest a…
Hopefully I can continue to loosen up in the build-up to hosting a family gathering so that anyone can move the mustards and it will be just fine with me. How did your family manage Christmas and holiday menu decisions? What were the issues that incited reactions from you and other family members? Could you…
I am also clear that my children are not a possession and are not in this world to meet my needs. This helps me to make room for feelings of sadness at the moment of goodbye but not to allow such feelings to dominate. What a special time I’ve just enjoyed with my daughter and…