Hopefully I can continue to loosen up in the build-up to hosting a family gathering so that anyone can move the mustards and it will be just fine with me. How did your family manage Christmas and holiday menu decisions? What were the issues that incited reactions from you and other family members? Could you…
I am also clear that my children are not a possession and are not in this world to meet my needs. This helps me to make room for feelings of sadness at the moment of goodbye but not to allow such feelings to dominate. What a special time I’ve just enjoyed with my daughter and…
Learning not to ‘over correct’ in my in- law relationships I reflect on the growth of my relationship with each of my husband’s parents. It hasn’t always been easy to be clear about my position in these relationships. I’ve endeavoured to find the right balance of staying connected but not filling in the space that…
It’s all too easy when we view someone as vulnerable to relate to their struggling side rather than relate to them as a whole person. Lately I’ve been reflecting on how I relate to important people in my life who are going through a difficult time. I found myself in a series of perplexing conversations…
Avoidance in the face of a family death Without clear principles for relating to others in the face of a painful loss I would be prone to operate out of my deep family programming – that is to emotionally avoid the gravity of pain. ‘Chief among all taboo subjects is death. A high percentage of people…
Continuing to grow in knowledge of the familiar other …when a person never has a posture of curiosity towards another about certain issues there is a shutting down of dynamic conversation and growth in the relationship. It’s hard for me to fathom but I’ve been married for almost 35 years. Having shared my adult life…
Respecting parent – child boundaries, whatever the stage of life Staying on the sidelines as a parent does not mean being detached but rather being connected without interfering. I’ve learned that the work to be a balanced parent continues well beyond the school years – indeed beyond leaving home. My tendency, embedded in my family…
Reflections from a sisters weekend away “I could appreciate that our family has made some genuine progress. To be able to tolerate the stirred up emotions of another’s upset and not respond in ways that swiftly shut it down is very different to the way we grew up.” It was jarring witnessing one of my…
This past week has been more stressful than most. I’m working to get back into a demanding routine after a lovely break away and at the same time dealing with jetlag and the effects of a travel tummy bug. Having enjoyed a delightful time with my husband as a travelling companion I noticed that I…
